Rabbi David Ariel-Joel on Welcoming Intermarried Families
In light of our recent receipt of the Genesis Prize for Intermarried Families, in support of our inclusive B’nei Mitzvah program for Jews of patrilineal descent, American Rabbi David Ariel Joel reflected on the trend of welcoming intermarried families into our communities:
Acceptance and Engagement – the challenge and danger to American Jews
May it be a good year for all of us!
The biggest challenge we are facing as a community is acceptance and engagement.
The majority of Jews in the USA are marrying non-Jews. It happens in all the Jewish communities.
The challenge to synagogues today is how to welcome, accept and engage the intermarried families. How do we prevent losing interfaith families?
Intermarriage is not going to stop. It was never a question of whether Jews would marry non-Jews; historically, when non-Jews were willing to marry Jews, Jews were happy to marry them. Intermarriage is a positive challenge, not a problem, thank God Jews are not hated or excluded in our country. Thank God that non-Jews want to marry Jews.
Our challenge is how to make our doors wide enough for everyone who wishes to enter. Our challenge is to stop policing who is Jewish and who is not, and put our energy into acceptance, engagement and welcoming interfaith families and their children and fully accepting them into our synagogues and communities
Through history, there were three ways to become Jewish,: at each giving moment 2 of the 3 were in effect and agreed upon.
- Birth – In the Bible, it was birth to an Israelite father; in rabbinical Judaism it changed to a Jewish mother.
- Intermarriage – In the Bible, this was the only way to join the children of Israel, most Biblical heroes married non-Israelite women (Judah, Joseph, Moses, David, Solomon and many more).
- Conversion – After the Bible, when intermarriage was forbidden, conversion was invented.
In our days all 3 ways are active, and Jews do not agree on all 3 of them!
Birth – Jewish streams do not agree on the parent’s gender.
Conversion – Israel’s chief rabbinate does not recognize the conversions of many modern Orthodox rabbis and definitely not Conservative or Reform. Ultra-Orthodox Jews do not recognize conversions done by Chabad or Orthodox or liberal conversions.
Jews argue about acceptance of intermarried families.
Reform synagogues tend to be most welcoming to interfaith families. We treat the non-Jewish spouse equally during life cycle events let both parents actively participate in the Bar or Bat Mitzvah of their child and treat the children as Jews. Most Reform Rabbis will marry interfaith couples and help create another Jewish home by blessing the marriage.
This question is pivotal to the future of American Jewry. It is our duty to be in the business of acceptance and welcoming, and not of policing and making boundaries. As our congregations grow more and more diverse, we will find that we are in the midst of recreating what it means to be Jewish. This is a challenge that we should embrace with open arms.